i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
