I cut my penus on the lid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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