I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
