I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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