i was born a porn star she said
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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