You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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