how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry my hands just texted you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
