DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
