We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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