if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
