my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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