Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
