before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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