u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
