we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
