i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
