I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
