I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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