I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Enjoy the penises
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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