I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
