people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
