if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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