I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You smell like stripper and shame
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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