I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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