ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
