So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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