Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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