No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
