Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
