Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
