How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
