the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
