So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
