and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
