what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
