i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
