DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
