you would pick up someone in the library
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize