Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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