I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
