Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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