I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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