two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize