Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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