The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
