My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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