Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
