morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
