Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
