i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
