I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
