youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
