big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
