i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
