Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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