you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
