Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
