Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize