Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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