Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize