I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i came on her dog
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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