Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
