Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
