somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
