she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
