I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize