Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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