the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
