Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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