OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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