so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
