Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
