put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
