I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
