Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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