the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
