Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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