I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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