my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made out with another girl for some wings
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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