bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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