thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
