last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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