We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
