You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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