don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
