And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
