Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
